I know I’m going to get flack for what I’m about to write as I’m sitting here getting my hair done, but here it is: There are many hairstylists who seem to have no idea what they are doing. It’s not that they don’t know how to cut, style, and dye your hair beautifully, but they seem not to care about the details or how you are feeling about what they’re doing to your hair.
Many women feel this way because they’ve told me in hundreds of letters over the years, and they also tell me they are afraid to tell their stylist what they’re doing wrong or what they are experiencing when getting their hair done. It is definitely true for me. But why are so many of us afraid of our hairdresser? Because we are at their mercy, especially if we like the way they do our hair. We think if we upset our stylist we will be punished with a bad haircut, a bad hairstyle, or just a pissy attitude for the rest of the service and the next time we come back. It isn’t fun getting a reputation as being a bad (or, if you prefer, “high maintenance”) client at the salon you frequent.
I know there are difficult women who are demanding, rude, have unrealistic expectations, and are all-around hard to deal with. To a large extent, stylists have to put up with all kinds of terrible behavior from clients like this. However, if you’re sure your behavior is well-intentioned rather than off-the-charts rude, then you are in a perfect position to take charge of your experience in your stylist’s chair. If a stylist is going to take your money for doing your hair, then it isn’t too much to ask for the following:
1. Have an oily scalp? Tell your stylist to skip applying conditioner to the roots of your hair. No matter what the claim on the product or how much menthol or eucalyptus it contains (which has no benefit for hair or scalp) it will just make your oily scalp feel greasy faster. Conditioners contain emollients which are great for hair but a problem for someone with an oily scalp.
Have fine hair that needs body? Conditioners can be a problem if you want your hair to be full because conditioners, even the lightest ones, can weigh down hair. Keep in mind hair nearest the scalp is the healthiest and doesn’t need a conditioner anyway. It isn’t until hair grows and is tortured by styling tools, sun, too-frequent shampooing, and hair dye that it starts getting damaged and needs conditioner to act and feel more like normal, undamaged hair.
2. Ask them to please not be so rough on your hair. Here’s what happens: You’ve just gotten done with a wonderful shampoo and then to dry your hair, the stylist or assistant takes the towel and begins to roughly rub it over your entire head and the length of your hair. This is a BIG no-no. Any kind of friction over your tresses breaks down the hair shaft, eventually causing split ends and breakage. They’re supposed to press, dab, and squeeze to dry the hair—not rub it around. If more stylists (or their assistants) did this, they would spend less time smoothing damaged, unruly hair when it’s time to style it.
3. Only comb wet hair in sections; don’t try to get a brush through tangled hair in one fell swoop. Combing hair in small sections is far better for the hair and your scalp. The problem? Some stylists just plow through your hair without a thought to what they are doing. Maybe they don’t know how hard it is on the scalp and the hair to try and undo tangles by yanking on your hair. Using fingers to gently separate hair and comb through each section is the healthy way to start the styling process.
4. Stop pulling and tugging during heat-styling. When your hair is being styled, too many hairdressers pull and tug at your hair with no regard for the discomfort they are causing. Once, when I cringed and winced at the forceful blow dry I was getting, the stylist actually said, “Boy aren’t you sensitive!” and continued doing just what she was doing. I finally said, “You’re hurting me and boy you are being completely insensitive! Please stop pulling so hard!”
5. Don’t hold the blow dryer so close to the scalp. Blow dryers heat up to almost 400 degrees Fahrenheit. As an idea of how hot that really is, consider that the boiling point of water is 212 degrees Fahrenheit. When such intense heat gets too close to your scalp, you can easily get a burn and lose some hair as a result.
6. Stop pushing expensive ”special” hair treatments that they tell you everyone swears by (not sure who everyone is, but popularity is a great incentive to believe something must be worthwhile). You are then put under the hair dryer while being told it will restructure your hair, which it absolutely cannot do! Oh, and they charge you $35 for the service. What a waste of money. If you knew how to read the ingredient list, you would see the ingredients don’t differ from what almost all conditioners contain. Hair is dead and you can’t feed it, repair it, or restructure it with any ingredient or allegedly special formula. All you can do is make it feel repaired. Although that helps, once you wash your hair again—unless you use a conditioner again—your hair will not feel the way you want. That’s because the product the stylist raved about “everyone loving” absolutely could not repair your hair!