Just when I thought I’ve heard it all something else comes along that reinforces how absolutely insane and moronic the cosmetics industry is. Actually, let me take that back, something else comes along that reinforces how utterly insane and moronic the cosmetics industry thinks consumers are.

Laboratoires Serobiologiques, owned by Cognis, is a cosmetic ingredient manufacturer. In order to supply cosmetic companies with their insatiable appetite for new ingredients with interesting stories to dazzle consumers with, these “labs” manipulate scientifically ludicrous associations to turn anti-aging fantasy into fact.

According to their press release they have created a dopamine-stimulating ingredient called Euphoryl Omega-3 LS 9846. Their logic is that by stimulating dopamine synthesis, you increase blood circulation in the skin and that enhances the complexion. Forget the fact that lots of things can stimulate blood circulation and that blood circulation is hardly the key to any skin care issue, but then they aren’t really talking about facts, they are selling an ingredient.

But that’s only the beginning. Here’s the real story they want you to swallow (well they want the cosmetics company’s marketing department to swallow so they concoct a formula with their ingredient you will swallow, I mean, buy).

Because dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with sensations of pleasure and exhilaration it will make your face happy. I’m not exaggerating. They said it themselves: “Based on a combination of natural ingredients which help generate positive emotions, Euphoryl Omega 3 is a pure happiness concentrate that lights up the skin’s complexion and enhances skin feeling of comfort and wellbeing.”

Forget kissing or touching, all you have to do is apply a skin care product and start smiling.

“It aims at revealing the resplendent skin of a woman in full bloom and is therefore ideal for the formulation of ‘happy cosmetic’ ranges.”

What’s next, Prozac eye creams? And what the hell is a woman in full bloom? A nice way to say an old broad? Or a woman who’s fertile?

Of course the ingredient isn’t really Euphoryl Omega-3 LS 9846, that’s the marketing name, it is just a mix of sacha inchi oil (Plukenetia volubilis) “native to the Amazon rainforest” (it couldn’t possibly come from Kansas or Illinois) and pink pepper (Schinus terebinthifolius) extract. The latter is what stimulates the skin, but pepper is irritating and not in a good (or should I say happy?) way.