The 3rd edition of my book The Beauty Bible will be out next month! It just blows me away as to how much new information there is. Everything from controversies in sunscreens, the organic natural debate/hysteria, antioxidants, inflame-aging., and on and on has all new research and studies concluding different aspects of how best to take care of skin.

Perhaps the most stunning part for me is the research of why irritating ingredients are so bad for skin but in particular oily skin. This is where my endless recommendations and nagging not to use alcohol or menthol, citrus, eucalyptus, volatile fragrance components (natural or otherwise) makes even more sense. It turns out irritating ingredients can stimulate oil production by triggering a neurogenic response that release androgen receptors in the pore thus producing more oil. (Sources: Archives of Dermatologic Research, July 2008, pages 311–316; Dermatology, January 2003, pages 17–23; and Medical Electron Microscopy, March 2001, pages 29–40.) This means when you use products that contain irritating ingredients, though you may initially feel less oily because they decrease the oil on the surface of skin, they stimulate the pore to make more oil then you hade before which creates an endless cycle.

A reader wrote in recently with an excellent question: how to get to convince the man (or men) in your life to take skin care seriously? Here are this woman’s comments:

My boyfriend has very fair skin along with mild acne. He is in his mid-30’s, already showing signs of aging and has developed persistent redness around his nose. He uses soap in the shower and has tried a few benzoyl peroxide products for blemishes, but that’s it—and I can’t get him to follow a routine consistently.

OK, so we’re off to a good start, and her observations are similar to what many women likely notice about their boyfriend or husband’s skin. But here’s the part that got my attention:

Not to be superficial, but I do not find this attractive, and my attention is drawn towards it whenever I see him. I also know how self-conscious I feel when people comment about what’s wrong with my skin.

I absolutely understand where she’s coming from, as you’ll see from my response below. Now to her questions:

What type of “guy friendly” skin care could I recommend to him? And, more importantly, how should I bring this topic up with him?

I responded with these musings and advice:

You can’t even get guys to pick up their clothes, shut cabinets, or put the toilet seat down–taking care of their skin is even further off their radar (and I know there are exceptions to this but as a rule, and given I’ve been married four times and have dated quite a bit over the years I can attest to this fully).

And do not feel guilty that your un-groomed boyfriend is becoming unattractive to you. Red noses, sun-damaged skin, unruly eyebrows, and who knows what else men don’t pay attention to is distracting as it would be in the reverse for an un-groomed woman for a man. Men aren’t drooling over Kathy Bates as opposed to Eva Mendes! And famous men that women typically find attractive (such as George Clooney or Brad Pitt) are clearly doing something right when it comes to skin care! Their visual appeal would surely decrease if they were ignoring what your boyfriend seems OK living with.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend has rosacea and severe sun damage (both not uncommon for men or women with fair skin who’ve been remiss about sun protection). Benzoyl peroxide is the wrong product for him to use. He should be using a gentle cleanser, gentle toner after shaving with a non-irritating shave foam or gel, and following with a BHA lotion (1% to start). He should probably also see a physician for a prescription rosacea medication because for men the red nose is only going to get worse and potentially lumpy ala W.C. Fields (the classic example of rosacea, NOT excessive drinking).

How to get him to do this? Be honest and direct. Tell him you don’t find his lack of grooming and the results attractive. His response will tell you if he cares about what you think. If he wants to change, help him and buy some of my products to start and make an appointment for him with a good dermatologist. If he resists and is willing to accept that his physical appearance is becoming less enticing to you, that’s all you can do without becoming a nag. What you do from there is up to you.

I was up late writing, trying to finish the last section on the new edition of The Beauty Bible. Every now and then I take breaks from writing and flip through channels on the TV. It was 2 a.m. and I stopped on one channel that had a woman dressed like she was getting ready to pose for Playboy or Hustler magazine. She was selling a male enhancement product. I could barely believe it. I was transfixed.

I thought only women liked being lied to about skin care products building up collagen and getting rid of wrinkles. But men believing that these types of products would make their private parts grow? I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

This perky spokeswoman, with balloon-like fake breasts, deep revealing cleavage, a waaayyyy too short skirt, and long tousled hair was explaining how the testimonials from men who use this male enhancement product she was hawking had amazing results.

In a breathless voice she said one grateful man said he had gained an inch. Of course my immediate reaction was give me a break…no one believes this crap. Could some men not discern that if this product could grow their privates an inch, then if they kept taking it, their privates would keep growing? That first inch would become 5 inches and then 10 or 15? They’d eventually need help carrying it around!

The final thing she said that just floored me: “We will send you a week free trial, would we do this if we thought it didn’t work?” Now there’s a claim. Pose a question without stating the fact. I could see where some men would exclaim wow, then it must really work, as opposed to thinking it’s just marketing nonsense. Of course they would send out something free to get me to order and they never said it really worked anyway. Plus it wasn’t “free” you needed to pay for shipping and order the next month’s worth!

Men and women like being promised miracles and can’t tell when they are repeatedly being lied to. It seems that the only difference between men and women is the area where they get taken advantage of. Women are figuratively smacked in the face and chest with false promises, while men get hit below the belt!